Our guard's uncle died the other day, so we made a fairly quick trip out to his village to greet the family and say condolences. These types of events actually give me a chance to slow down, do some thinking and get in touch with the rhythms of life here. As I sat looking over the people around me, I began to compare my life to theirs. Even though our life here offers few of the comforts and conveniences of life in the states, we still live at level well above that of your average villager. I began noticing all the ways that their lives are more EXPOSED than ours, or maybe it's that our lives are INSULATED. 

My thoughts shifted to biblical characters - shepherds, nomads, tent-dwellers, camel hair-wearing prophets and wandering teachers. The people here could probably understand the Bible and its people in a way I never will. They could live inside the head Abraham and understand David's years of tending sheep. They are exposed to the elements and know what it means to be vulnerable. They depend upon the rains to be just enough - not too much and not too little - and the same rains often destroy their mud-brick houses. They receive the good and the bad from the hand of "Allah" who to them can be both compassionate and tricky. They fear him, perhaps more for the bad that he could bring upon them than anything else. There are misunderstandings of God's nature for sure, especially compared to the Creator-God we see revealed in the Bible whose holiness inspires a awe-full, reverent, fear and an understanding that all sin is rebellion against God Himself, there is still something I sense in them that I would like to have more of myself.

I would like to know more what it means to be dependent upon God, less insulated from the uncontrollable elements of our existence. Then again, I suppose God has His ways of breaking into our sense of security no matter where we are, showing us what an illusion it really is. Our role is to recognize our dependence on God and allow that to turn us toward Him. No matter how exposed or insulated we are, when God breaks through we need to pay attention. We need to reflect. We need to humble ourselves. From this, I have two prayer requests.

1) PRAY for us to rely upon and trust completely in God, lest we wear ourselves out trying in our own strength or worse, grow hardened toward God when things don't turn out the way we think they should.

2) PRAY for the people among whom we live. Pray that their exposure would lead them to the true God, to see that He is trustworthy and to recognize that their sin separates them from Him.

Just the other day, I was reading a Christmas time devotion by Oswald Chambers, and he was talking about Simeon and Anna in Luke 2:25-38. These two, upon seeing the baby Jesus, recognized him immediately as the promised Messiah, the salvation of Israel and the world. Chambers' point was that their recognition of the Messiah was enough to condemn the rest who failed to do so. This struck a cord with me, as I spend time trying to convince people that Jesus was more than just another prophet in a succession of prophets. He is, in fact, the fulfillment of all prophecies and preparations and plans of God concerning the redemption of mankind. God took no short amount of time, no small number of years preparing the way for Jesus, so that when He came, people would be able to recognize Him. Yet only a few did so. 

The book of Hebrews speaks of the Old Testament sacrificial system and temple as a shadow of the things to come. Imagine a man walking east at sunset. The falling sun is behind him, and his shadow stretches out before him. If you are standing near the sidewalk ahead of him, his shadow will reach you first. Now let's say for some strange reason, you recognize the man's shadow as being that of a long awaited friend. The shadow should fill you with excitement and anticipation to meet your friend is coming soon. It would be absurd, however, for you to greet his shadow and walk alongside his shadow while having a conversation with the same. Why? Because it's only a SHADOW. It is not the SUBSTANCE. 

So the people of Jesus' day who knew the Scriptures, should have recognized him, but most of them did not. The same is true today. The fact that the Bible was written over a period of 1500 or so years by around 40 different authors, most of whom didn't know each other, and yet it comes together to tell one amazing story of the Creator God who pursues and provides salvation for mankind through the person and work of Jesus Christ should be enough to convince us to believe. It should be, but too often it is not. If Chambers is right, the fact that some do "see" it is enough to condemn the rest. 

To look at it from another angle, if the people who knew the Scriptures well had difficulty embracing Jesus, perhaps I should have more patience with those who have barely heard these things before. The other application/exhortation I see here, is that we must be careful not to let our brand of Christianity become only shadows. We stand on the other side of His coming. Rather than looking forward to the Messiah, we look back to Him (excluding His 2nd coming, of course), so the shadows may stretch a different direction, but we must alway seek the SUBSTANCE. Doctrines and creeds can be good tools so long as they help us communicate Christ to our generation and grasp the truths of Scripture for ourselves. That is, they are designed to lead us to the PERSON - the SUBSTANCE - who is CHRIST THE LORD.

We all have questions - real questions that are in our hearts. It is these questions that Oswald Chambers said Jesus came to answer as opposed to the questions of our minds, which we derive from some book or sermon or something we have picked up along the way. Our minds ponder God as if He were a subject to be studied or an object to be grasped by us, but the real questions of our hearts are much deeper. They touch on what it means to be accepted, to be validated as a human being; they are concerned with our intrinsic worth and our true nature. 

The real questions of our hearts are so deep inside us we probably don't even recognize them. We seek their answers in all sorts of things, but we don't even know that we're searching. We look for validation in our achievements, our popularity, or in the approval of others; all the while we forget that we are valuable because HE created, loved and chose us.  We seek acceptance and a sense of belonging in the wrong places, so that our families and churches grow anemic and lack the strength to weather the storms of life. Jesus is calling to us. He is calling us to come to HIM where we can find rest and the answers to all our deepest needs, but we so often find it easier to talk about Him than to really talk to Him. It is the relationship we need!!!

Now, thinking about our task at hand, this is where I have often been frustrated in the past. The people among whom we work love to debate, or so it seems. This often leads into discussions about the differences between our beliefs and theirs. Though I prefer not to go that route, it is often the road into which I am dragged unwillingly, and I find myself praying in my spirit, "Lord, please open their eyes to see their need for YOU." They don't need the finer points of any religion. They need a relationship with Jesus Christ! 

However, in recent days, we have been taken away from our ministry area for the birth of our daughter, and I've been able to meet some of our people group in the city where we are. Some have been very open and responsive, and I have come to realize that they do have real questions in their hearts - questions that arise from a worldview and a religion that has failed to meet their deepest needs. It's only when you catch them alone or perhaps out of their element (such as in a foreign city) that they are more willing to open up to you a window into the deeper regions of their soul. You see, in my experience, West Africans are masters in keeping to themselves the true thoughts and intentions of their hearts. You will only see what they are willing to reveal. [All people have this capacity, but Americans, I think, are much more "out there" in the sense of wearing our inner thoughts on our sleeves. In other words, we're not good secret-keepers.] Because of this, I have struggled, and sometimes failed, to realize that the debates and the arguments are sometimes just a facade; a way of saving face and not letting the true questions come out (b/c that might be seen as weakness). 

My prayer, as we go back home, is that I will remember this lesson. Whenever a debate arises, I pray my truthful and gentle answers will, by the power of the Holy Spirit, cut through the facade and touch on the real issues underneath. It's not that we shouldn't have a head-knowledge of God. We should always be growing in that area, but it has to reach the heart as well. Please pray with us that Jesus will answer the questions or our hearts and the hearts of those around us. 

It's been a full day, and I'm happy to announce that SG is now together with our family and no longer in the NICU!

Wow, it's been a week since we've put an update on here. Thank you for your continued prayers during this time. Thing with SG have progressed marvelously showing the amazing grace and faithfulness of our God, and thus, the effectiveness of your praying. She has lost weight, but we are assured of her health, and the word is that she may be released to come home to us TOMORROW! The doctor, however, has been sick, so we've gone several days without an official word from him. J and I have also been feeling very tired and even sick over the last week but are doing better now. Though the crisis seems to be over, it has taken a toll on us, and we continue to covet your prayers during this time of extreme transition. That's it for now, I'll let you know more tomorrow when we find out more details.

{UPDATE ON SG}

The latest on SG is that the Dr. told us yesterday she had a bit of pneumonia in her right lung, so they started her on a round of antibiotics. She's still taking small amounts of milk through a syringe/feeding tube and oxygen through her nose. Hopefully, she will be taken off the oxygen soon, and they will begin testing to see if she can eat on her own. See J's entry below for more of yesterday's events. 

{THOUGHTS and THANKS}

Whenever the Lord wants me to understand something, He usually takes several sources and causes them to converge on one topic in my life. For example, I'm studying Hebrews right now, but I also enjoy a daily devotional from a book called Daily Thoughts for Disciples by Oswald Chambers. Then on Fridays, I'm working through The Doctrine of Prayer by T.W. Hunt. Today, all three of these converged on the topic of INTERCESSION - both Christ's intercession on our behalf as He stands beside the Father's throne and our intercession for one another in prayer. 

The timing of this convergence is no coincidence. Since all of the happenings with our daughter, so many people have responded with love and have offered up sacrifices of prayer for us all. I have often felt unworthy of it, but always very thankful. I'm only beginning to understand the joy of being part of the body of Christ, the blessing that it is to simply BE in Him. I'm removed from our ministry area, and my newborn daughter is, for all practical purposes, out of my reach. Even if something were to happen to her, there's nothing I could do, and so there is a certain amount helplessness that I feel. O how these times remind us of our true state! I mean, are we not all fragile, helpless little creatures who need the protective hand of God upon us at all times? Is it not His hand that gives us everything from our daily bread to our significance as men or women? How I fret trying to DO and ACCOMPLISH, when God is much more concerned about who and what I am, especially who and what I am IN CHRIST. 

Prayer and intercession is not getting what we want from God but getting ourselves so in line with God that what we pray becomes His will - a prayer that He rejoices to answer - for the purpose of all prayer and intercession is bring the kingdom and accomplish the will of God {...Your kingdom come, Your will be done...}.

Therefore, let me say thank you to those who have been in prayer for us, both now and through the years. Thank you for answering God's call to draw near the throne of grace, and thank you for bringing us there with you. You are true partners in ministry and in life. Words can never express our gratitude. 

This morning when I went to the hospital and got my bandage changed, but I had to wait a moment to see S. It was a big day for the NICU--a Senegalese baby went home with mama and daddy, another little girl got to move down to regular nursery status, and then there was SG. I felt sorry for her because she is obviously losing a little weight, she is beginning to cry more and more (which we are thankful for), and she still keeps acquiring new holes every day. I'm just glad I'm not there when they try to stick her. I also noticed that she seemed to be wheezing a little bit, but I didn't think anything of it. When I returned for the afternoon visit, the doctors were all in the NICU working on a new baby, so I had to stay outside and wait for about 2 hours. Before I went in, the doctor came out and told me that S is doing well, and eating 12 mL 8 times a day, but that she has a little infection in her right lung, so she is taking antibiotics to get it cleared up. That was a little discouraging, and felt like a setback in her progress. S didn't go without a roommate for long--and this one is T.I.N.Y. I've never seen a child that small before. She was born at just 28 weeks gestation and looked like a little plastic doll, moving, breathing, and staring up at the ceiling from her plexiglass home. It was a sight to see. I was thanking God that at least preterm labor was not an issue with SG and that we can touch her and talk to her. With all of the ups and downs that each day brings, I am grateful for a loving family who is supportive, a host of praying friends and every single day of life is a gift from God. We may not know what in the world we will encounter tomorrow, but we can trust that He who holds time in His hands already knows and has promised to go through it with us. 

(Tuesday, October 25th, 2011)

Today has been a great day. I (J) went to go see SG early this morning in an effort to drop off some milk. When I arrived at the NICU, one doctor was working with a baby, and because of lack of space in the small room, I stayed outside and let him work. I could still see SG wriggling around and boy, I sure did want to get my hands on her! But I resisted and when K and I returned a little later, she was asleep again. She was looking a little pale to me, and it may have been that they turned her heat lamp down a tad. She had also gotten a feeding tube inserted into her mouth (down to her stomach) and I noticed she must have had a fight with the nurses--and lost--because she had holes all in her! There's nothing more helpless than wanting to pick up your child to comfort her and not being able to do so. We talked to her and touched her plenty, though. That at least satisfies me for the moment. At least we have touch. This afternoon when I went back to drop off more milk, she was asleep, but was much more colorful than before. She also awoke at my touch and voice, opened her eyes, and for the first time laid eyes on her mama. I enjoyed seeing her wriggle around, and she even let out a loud yelp twice! The nurses are going to try to give her a little more milk and see how it goes. She has made such progress and we are very pleased with that! Thank you, God for the life you have given our daughter, even if just for today. I confess I let her progress dictate my attitude for the day, yet you teach that godliness with contentment is great gain--regardless of the situations in which we find ourselves on this earth. Give us mercies each and every day: mercy for accepting your answer to our prayers, mercy for entrusting our daughter into your care and will, and mercy for the pain we feel when we see the scars upon her hands. You, above All, know how that feels. Amen.

Too much time is passing and too much happening for me to keep track of it all, so I am taking this time to type out a few thoughts.  

First, I praise the LORD, the Creator and Possessor of heaven and earth, for the way that He is active in the lives of His creation. How amazing that God walks with us, intervenes in our lives, and brings in others to bless us. Thanks to everyone who has been praying on our behalf and that of Sahara Grace. Your prayers were especially felt the first day of our stay in the hospital. We had been up the entire night before, and I was getting weary trying to process information that was coming to me in French. It seemed difficult to even formulate my thoughts, so it was wonderful to know that so many were talking to the Father for us.

Praise the LORD also, for little SG, who is now breathing on her own. We were able to spend some time with her this morning. Though she seemed to sleep the entire time, her arms, legs and mouth were moving a bit. It is encouraging to know that she seems to possess motor skills and the ability to breathe like normal, but we don't know how much time it may take to know for sure whether any damage was done to the brain. 

The Dr. came back around lunch and said Sahara was doing fine breathing on her on. They're are going to slowly reduce the amount of Oxygen they're giving her until they feel like they can take her off the O2. Tomorrow, they're going to test to see if she can take a bit of food through a feeding tube instead of an IV. After that, they'll try more and more and then see if she can take it by mouth eventually.

Basically, they're testing one system at a time. If the respiratory systems is fine, they'll move on to test the digestive, etc... Just doing it all slowly so her body can adjust little by little and not get overwhelmed

To give praise and thanks to God for the small ways in which has walked with us through this ordeal, I'll just mention a few from my own perspective. I'm sure J has her own set of thoughts on this matter as well, but here are mine:

• For me, it started before the birth, when we had a "false alarm" and came to the hospital for monitoring. Even though it wasn't time, it was the first time I had been there. Unknown to me, I would need to know how to get there in only a few days. We hadn't really thought that I'd be the one driving to the hospital, but as it worked out, I was. 

• The day J went into labor, I had read Hebrews 6:19-20. The passage recalls a picture of a ship going through a storm outside the harbor, having had its anchor rowed in and affixed to the shore. (Ships couldn't weather storms in shallow harbors lest they get broken apart on the bottom, and the sandy bottom would not hold fast an anchor. In the passage, Jesus is our forerunner. He has gone ahead, into the Holy of Holies, where He remains. We are tied to Him, and we must cling to Him through all the storms of life, whether persecutions like the early Hebrew believers or other storms that come our way...and He is IMMOVABLE - sure and steadfast.

• The shear amount of people praying for us and encouraging us has been amazing. Things like FB can used for good or evil. Praise the LORD for its good use and for calling his children to pray!

• Obviously, SG's continual progress is a testimony to HIS goodness. She has truly been God's baby from the beginning and has overcome obstacles in both the pregnancy and the birth. Please keep her in your prayers, for I am sure the LORD has plans to use her. 

Thank you all for your prayers. I ask that you keep J in them as well. It is super tough to see her there and want to pick her up and comfort her, but to not be able to hold her.

We love you all.

Well, I (J) went into labor on Friday evening, and because the baby was breech and not moving very much, we went into the hospital and went through an hour and a half of monitoring. At the end of the monitoring, which revealed a serious dip in heart rate during contractions, we found that it was not possible that she would turn into position. It was apparent I needed a C-section. So the attending midwife called the OB and she came and they prepped me for surgery. Before K could even fill out a piece of paper, go down and get the suitcase from the car, and return, Sahara Grace was born and was out of the operating room (12:15am, October 22nd)! She was not crying when she was born, the chord was wrapped around her neck twice, and her heart suddenly stopped. So the pediatrician took her immediately, performed CPR, and did not take his hands off her for a full two hours or so. He stayed right there with her and put her on a ventilator. She had been through a lot, so he gave her some medication to help her sleep and she was completely conked out when her daddy went to meet her. That was a night I'll remember the rest of my life because I was awake the entire night praying and crying. The doctor had told us that he didn't know to what extent there may be possible brain damage because of the lack of oxygen. Time will tell...

The next morning, SG was moving a little more and the doctor was working with her. She was putting up a fight and was responsive, so that was an encouragement. Today, he is going to try to get her weaned off of the ventilator and we will see if she is able to breathe on her own. I hope pretty soon she can have the feeding tube removed and she can get some "real food" to eat! I am looking forward to that too, as I have only had soup for the last two meals. I am recovering well and getting around a little more today. 

Last night the doctor gave her more sleepy-time meds, so she was out of it when I got to go in and check on her. She needed her sleep to be able to try to get off the machine today. I was thankful for the chance to see her and touch her. She was very warm and her color was good. There were other babies in there who were a lot younger and in a more fragile state. The NICU is a place I don't think I can stick around for long. 

C and H are doing well. They are hanging out with their grandmama from KY, and have been up here (in their "big brother/big sister" T-shirts) once to see Sahara and for us to spend a little time together too. It was nice to get hugs and kisses from them. 

We still have lots of questions about her health, and though her progress is good and an answer to prayers, we feel uncertain about what will happen even an hour from now. Please continue to pray for Sahara as she gains strength and learns to breathe on her own. I long so much to hold her!